Testimonies - Sr. Marie Paul Curley, FSP

Struggling with our humanity!

I had been in the convent for almost two years, but now I was beginning to doubt that I really belonged.

I had been so impressed by the Daughters of Saint Paul — their prayerfulness, courage and generosity in bringing Christ to others — that I'd joined them. I guess I was hoping they would somehow "rub off" on me. But lately, I'd started suspecting I would never have that courage and passion: I wasn't worthy of being a Daughter of St. Paul. Despite imprisonment and beatings, Saint Paul never lost the courage to proclaim Christ. He even boasted about his sufferings. I'd never be like him.

When I explained this to one of the sisters, she challenged me to read "beneath the surface" of Paul's letters. Gradually, I realized that this great saint and I had something in common: we both struggled with our humanity. The difference was Paul's perspective: he saw weakness as strength, as an opportunity for Christ to enter. "I am content with weakness...for the sake of Christ; for whenever I am weak, then I am strong" (2 Cor. 12:10).

I've been a Daughter of Saint Paul now for 20 years. Pondering Paul's recurring theme of weakness/strength has been invaluable to my vocation. The flaws that I saw in myself haven't left me. But my weaknesses have become strengths when they make me pay attention, when they open me up to Christ's love.

All Paul's passion sprang from his trust in Christ's love for him. "Neither death, nor life, nor…anything else will be able to separate us from the love of God in Christ Jesus our Lord" (Rom 8:38-39). Daily, God surrounds and embraces us with ever faithful love and mercy. When we really allow ourselves to "soak in" God's love, when we allow God to embrace us and fill our neediness, it is then that Jesus can live, work and love in us. And then, in some small way, we actually live that mystery that Paul was so passionate about: "life in Christ."

Sr. Marie Paul Curley, fsp, is a member of the Daughters of Saint Paul, who seek to communicate Christ in their lives and through the media. She is currently missioned in Toronto, where she is writing a new book on spirituality and a children's feature film. Marie Paul is the vocation director for the Daughters of Saint Paul across Canada and truly enjoys accompanying young women in their vocational discernment and coordinating events for them. She frequently hangs out at the Pauline Books & Media Centre where, as a pastoral sales associate, she assists people in finding resources for their spiritual needs.

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